No More Tears

where do these tears go

dancing like mist 

searing my vision

like salt 

on an open wound 

can you see them too?

do they surround me

it feels like I'm in a cocoon 

and i never want to leave 

i like it here

the pain

is familiar

it's safe and warm 

just like your caresses used to be

when you were mine

in the light

in a dream

it seems safe and warm

it tastes of life and heart

it whispers promises of forever

of love and protection 

but i see your eyes

through the blur

they burn as the mist tears apart 

golden brown with a beating heart

burning 

until i stand naked

in the searing sun

the desert sands at my feet 

my flesh is crumbling

the heart steams into nothingness 

and what is left 

is but shining silver steel 

it is the will 

to go on, to move, to speak

to laugh again

to live 

so that the brown 

is never again dulled

by pity, by guilt

but shines reflected off steel 

steel has no tears

steel had no pain

steel glints in the sunlight 

and is ice of night 

Isn't it sad

Isn't it sad
that for a long time
every time I looked at you
my heart overflowed with love
and now I can only pray that
soon (let it be soon)
that I'll look at you and feel nothing
but a bittersweet nostalgia
for the love we once shared

Isn't it sad
that we promised forever
and that forever turned
out to mean
'til I've had enough

Isn't it sad
that I let my loneliness
chase you away
when you were the only one
who could keep the loneliness at bay

Isn't it sad
that you can say
'someone I once loved'
and that I
know my love for you
is infinite

Isn't it sad
that I still have a sliver of hope
that maybe there's still a
shard of love in you
for me
so that maybe you'll think of me sometimes
and smile

Isn't it sad
to have to say goodbye
and leave your heart behind

Isn't it sad
sometimes
just to be alive

Isn't it sad. 

How do I say goodbye

It's funny we never realise

How strong humans are,

'Til you've been handed your heart back

Broken

It's amazing how

We can still go on

Functioning

When the insides are

A screaming mass of pain

Of regret

Everything else is a shimmering 

Mirage

The sun's still shining?

People are laughing?

And loving?

But the pain is huge
But no one sees

The raging monster

That

Even the tears find it hard to

Squeeze past 

How are you still alive?

How do I say goodbye? 

Our Phoenix Love

I know now that I've truly lost you
As the words
Come scrambling
Back into my fingertips
Where they hibernated
Where I thought them lost
When I was drowning in the joy of you

I suppose I didn't miss them
As much as I should have
I knew in the deepest part of me
That they would always stay
No matter how dark and deep my pain
That they would be the only that stay
They are my soul

I willingly set them aside
For a few years in the sunlight
With you
In the light you were all I needed
But now that you've caught
Glimpses
Of where the words reside
You're ready to gather up
Your light
And move on

So now I'm reunited with the children of my soul
As they come tumbling out and
Cover me in the protective darkness
Of ink saturated paper
Of shadows
As the moments turn into memories
I will embalm them with my words
And with every word and tear
It'll be easier to leave behind
The words we said to each other
Created for each other
The promises we promised til the end of time

We came together with the glory of  phoenix
And predictably burned out as fast
Sadly there will be no rebirth,
But out of the ashes I leave these words
A cold, maddening comfort
And the only one that gives me the strength
to let go of you. 

Walking across verdant hills
Lush with dew and life
Chasing the dawn
No yesterdays, no tomorrows
Simply the silver igniting my skin 
The wind caressing my hair
Playfully tugging….

And in an instant I’m dragged back
Into turbulent dreams
(No, memories)
Of you hands, my hair
Your lips, my breasts
Your heat, my warmth
Glorious. Slick. Wonderful.
My stomach drops.
I’m clutching a sodden branch
Deathgrip
Just like my hands on your sheets
…when you had me
…when you let me go
I let go now
And walk …
Chasing that distant dawn

They say that the road to hell
Is paved with good intentions
And the truth will set you free
But when one is paving a path
 And the other seeking the truth
 Through cracks in the stone
Every foot paved
 And stepped on
 Is one foot closer
 To a collision
 That became inevitable
From the rose-hued
Idealistic beginning

Awaken

Words slip
and dance and roll
around me
like quicksilver
drops of mercury
bouncing quick
just out of reach
teasing twisting turning 
like foggy diamond thoughts
short bursts of clarity
imageless and sharp
forgotten but remembered
in that secret place
where the desolate soul sleeps

Awaken